Thursday, March 18, 2010

After all, We are Gujju Bhai!!

Just imagine… you are a director of a movie. Your first scene is that of an early morning in a town of Gujarat. Now tell me, what would you select as opening shot of this movie? Well, if you are Gujju, you are probably right! You will certainly be standing at a road side 'tea and farsaan' centre with your camera and shooting steaming hot, boiling tea. People ordering 500 gms Ganthiya and eating ‘em with same amount of chutney with an expression of extreme orgasms on their face. Yes, this is Gujarat… and After all, we are Gujju Bhai!
There is this saying in Gujarati… ‘Patel, Hotel and Motel… You’ll find these three at any corner of the world’. And mind you, this is not false. Our one and only hobby is to earn money. Yes, we are money minded and that’s why Gujarat is also called land of Entrepreneurs! If you ask any Gujju Collegian about his future plans, he’ll say “mare to amerika javu che ne millionaire thavu che!” means – I want to settle down in US and become millionaire. (After all, 1 $ equals 50 Rs. boss!) Its matter of concern if no one in your family is in USA… Nobody marries their daughter in a family which doesn’t have any foreign connection. After all, we are Gujju Bhai!
Gujjus love to speak English. Even though they don’t know it… I have seen people who without any reason try to speak English and end up speaking Engrati (English + Gujarati)! In Gujarat, it is considered that – ‘It’s ok if you don’t know pure Gujarati… But you must know bad English at least’!! After all, at least 3 of our Kakas, Kakis, Mamas, Mamis live in Amerika! Tune to any radio station in Gujarat and try listening to any RJ for 5 minutes… I challenge, you’ll probably run to radio station and offer English literature tuitions for throw away price. After all, we are Gujju Bhai!
It’t not just about Amerika or English… We love foreign food too! (Prepared as per Gujju recipe and comfortably adjusted its taste as we Gujjus like it). If an Italian eats our Italian Pizza or a Chinese tastes our Chinese bhel… I’m sure he’ll faint with an attack! Few hybrid items that we have freely adopted as per our choice: Chinese Samosa, Farali Pizza, Jain Sizzler, Jain Omlette and what not! We love butter, we love oil and most importantly, we love cheese. No wonders… be it Vadapau, dosa or Dhokla… is available with cheese at all food joints. And ya, cheese must be Amul cheese in any case. Because, cheese to Amul nu j hoy ne! After all, we are Gujju Bhai!
We love going out. We love travelling. And yes, while travelling, we always carry a bag which is always kept handy and always taken utmost care of. This bag is full of Theplas, Chunda, Chevda, Mamra, Pickles, Ganthiya, Puri, Sakkar Para, Batata nu Shak, Khakhra and at least 3 types of mukhvas. Within 15 minutes of starting train or bus, youngest member of family will ask his/her mom… ‘Mammi, pela Thepla kya mukya che?’ (Mom, where have you kept those theplas?) And in next 15 minutes, whole family will eat ALL of above items one by one as if they are having last food of their life. After all, we are Gujju Bhai!
Well, I can write a lot about food… but let’s leave that topic here. Let’s discuss drinking habits of Gujju. Ahem ahem, who said ‘But Gujarat is dry state’? Boss, ketli bottle joiye?? (how many bottles you need?) All Gujjus feel proud in drinking. It’s like matter of proving to the world that we also CAN drink. All Gujjus have personal bootleggers who deliver liquor at home. And after drink, all Gujju says, “Aapdu ekdum control ma j hoy ho bapu!!” (I’m always in control!) After all, we are Gujju Bhai!
Who says Gujjus are not intellectuals? Go to any Paanwala and network with intellectual minds out there. They are think tanks of India. They know who should be playing in Indian cricket team. They knows what Obama should do to counter terrorism. They also knows why Katrina Kaif should not marry Salman khan. We can spend atleast 3 hours discussing about nothing at any paanwala. Irrespective of whether we know the person whom we are talking to or don’t. After all, we are Gujju Bhai!
Stock market is our favorite time pass and major source of income too. In my family, my nephew learned how to interpret stock price tickers on CNBC at age of 6 years! All Gujjus feel sense of pride while talking about Harshad Mehta or Ketan Parekh. A chaiwala outside any office is expert of stock market and probably can give you better advise than Rakesh Jhunjhunwala. Yes, we know stock market Bijnesh. After all, we are Gujju Bhai!
The passion of Gujjus for money, the undying spirit and most importantly, the what-goes-of-my-father-attitude gives us thrust of earning money. Entrepreneurship is in blood of all Gujjus. We are optimistic, we are fururistic and we always calculate money before doing anything. We don’t give a damn to anything. That's why Gujjus are so prosperous and Gujarat is called land of opportunities. After all, we are Gujju Bhai!